I had to take the weekend off bec I was out of town. So Monday started with Love is not selfish....and I let it carry on into Tuesday. It is really funny. Tues was Bill's bday. I woke up at 5:30am to excercise....this ungodly hour bec I never want to have to ask Bill to come home to watch kids so I can go....as well as....if I don't go, I will blow up! Anyway, I am ALWAYS very quiet. But this am I apparantly woke Bill up, and then as soon as I left, the kids got up, so he got no "sleep in." I didn't realize this until later in the morning.
When I got home at 6:30, I heard the baby, so I quickly went and got him. I heard the girls so I told them to keep it down. I felt so proud that I had gotten everyone quieted down so that Bill could sleep in on his bday. When we got him up at 7:20, we had decorated, made him a small little bfast and just loved all over him. He seemed fine.
Then I returned home from taking the girls to school.
He let me have it. Clapped "at" me saying, "thanks. I would have thought this would be a special morning because it was my bday." He complained and complained. And dadgum, this stupid dare required me to just "be quiet." It is so hard to do this on someone of such UNBELIEVABLE selfishness.
Oh, I know I have my selfish motives too. I know, I know. Not perfect. All that stuff. But how do I do this? He is miserable MOST of the time. He desires the opposite of what I desire. We are at a point of complete opposites.
I so want peace. For him. For me. FOR US. For our kids. IT IS NOT HERE. Everyone of us is walking on egg shells. It is hard to ALWAYS have a nervous stomach.
Todays dare requires me to ask him what are 3 things that irratate him about me. ugh. He will NOT spare feelings, I feel certain. God, please give me STRENGTH to hear his words with GRACE...
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