Sunday, February 8, 2009

My head hurts

There are times that life seems so unreal, so stinkin NOT REAL, that your head hurts. My step brother, who I was certainly estranged from, died today. He was 39. Heart attack. There was so much crap, so much I tried to forget about. So much that still hurts. So much that remains on my "every day" recording I play in my brain.

But he died today. How should I feel? No matter how I should feel, I fell to my knees, and cried. I shook. What now?

There is a tugging at my heart....I believe God telling me that it is time to ACTUALLY, TRUELY forgive and maybe even ask for forgiveness. To his sister. I don't know, I am comfortable in my bitterness. But that is what Jesus wants to conquer, right?

Help me Jesus. Help his sister and momma. His friends. My head truely hurts.

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