It is only Wednesday and I have learned my precious friend, M. Sweeney didn't get the results he needed from his last cancer screen....we are left with heavy hearts, hurting knees and helplessness.
One of our friends is now living as a single mom, out of town boyfriend...texted by her x that he is remarrying after dating for 4 weeks...and she is doing it sober for the very first time. She almost died 2 months ago from liver failure. A complete alcoholic....we knew, but didn't know it was that severe. She came home from OUTPATIENT therapy in ATL only 2 weeks ago.
Today she called us to her house. In a dark bedroom, we found our friend curled up crying that she is afraid she will die. She is so depressed. If she drinks anything she will die. And she is scared she will drink. So SHOCKED THAT HER X WOULD MOVE ON. SO QUICKLY. Completely broken. Telling, well, yelling for God to get off of her back. When she just can't see it is HIS back that she needs to turn and climb on....she refuses Him.
That song, it's a slow fade just came on, from the movie "fireproof." It is as if it was written for her. Her life didn't fall apart in a day. It was a slow fade. There was a second glance on an airplane.....led to comprimise. Mommies don't crumble in a day.....families don't crumble in a day..... Her x isn't perfect, but I can't blame him for this....I don't want to blame her....I see beyond the boyfriend to the real problem- alchohol.
But the saddness is brutal. The children. Oh my, those sweet kiddos. Then, as I listen to that song, and look out of my window with my burdened heart, I see my neighbors house whose marriage also ended....slow fade....now his xwife is back in Indiana with their kids. And he misses them. I know they miss him.
Such saddness lurkes. The enemy means to destroy. Our relationships, our families, our health. Praise God He will protect!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
School
Honor your husband. hmmmmmm. This has always been a thorn for me, not in all areas, but when I see honoring my husband doesn't go along with MY plans, I struggle.
Right now we are considering changing schools. We love Darlington. We both have amazing memories and thankful hearts for our experiences there. Mine for only one year. The school played a big part in redirecting my path. The right way.
And to say Bill bleeds purple is an understatement! We love Darlington!
The past couple of years we have had struggles there, struggles that to some are no big deal, but to me, they are HUGE deals. And it all revolves around God. Where is God at Darlington? Well, He is on the "side," if that. He is not the head of the school, He has to step aside for other beliefs to have thier say as well. Equal to Him. And that sentence alone is what is making my heart so heavy. Any time God gets, it is only equal to buddah, allah or whoever else in the world people worship. And my sweet husband, isn't ready to pull the trigger on a move to Unity until Unity "looks" like Darlington. And I get that, God knows I struggle with that in my own heart. But I am sick, can't shake it, and believe it is God knocking on the door of my heart, saying, "Cammie, Gracie and Camille are not safe there. They are chosen by Me. They need Me all the time. They don't need worldliness reinforced 100% of the time."
So, what do I do about Bill? About my own insecurities? About MY GIRLS? They are 7. They are my loves. They are already consumed with "girl drama," been called "sexy," told what the middle finger means, yell at each other, at me, want to hurt each other, do not understand forgiveness......etc, etc, etc. I by no means believe it is a schools responsibility to fix all of this in a child. It is mine and Bills ultimately. But we are FAILING. I need my values reinforced in math. I need them to see God in history. To appreciate science as their Heavenly Father does, not hang it on mans shoulders....giving man credit for miracles. I want them to see that prayer isn't just for the ride to school, meal times and bed time. That it is a part of who they are. It is why they were created. So that whatever book they choose in library they know that prayer was involved. That the librarian loves them as a child of God. Not rated on how well they read.
It is so much. I know I could manipulate Bill in this. There are things I could do to make sure we go to Unity next year. But do I do that? I mean, it is for God, right? Or is God speaking to me through Bill? Are we to stay at Dar? To be a beacon of light? WHAT DO WE DO?
For now, Father, please speak through my husband. Please help him understand Your realness, and give him a passion to know you in and out, so that he will make the best decision for our kids. I know you love them more than we do!
Right now we are considering changing schools. We love Darlington. We both have amazing memories and thankful hearts for our experiences there. Mine for only one year. The school played a big part in redirecting my path. The right way.
And to say Bill bleeds purple is an understatement! We love Darlington!
The past couple of years we have had struggles there, struggles that to some are no big deal, but to me, they are HUGE deals. And it all revolves around God. Where is God at Darlington? Well, He is on the "side," if that. He is not the head of the school, He has to step aside for other beliefs to have thier say as well. Equal to Him. And that sentence alone is what is making my heart so heavy. Any time God gets, it is only equal to buddah, allah or whoever else in the world people worship. And my sweet husband, isn't ready to pull the trigger on a move to Unity until Unity "looks" like Darlington. And I get that, God knows I struggle with that in my own heart. But I am sick, can't shake it, and believe it is God knocking on the door of my heart, saying, "Cammie, Gracie and Camille are not safe there. They are chosen by Me. They need Me all the time. They don't need worldliness reinforced 100% of the time."
So, what do I do about Bill? About my own insecurities? About MY GIRLS? They are 7. They are my loves. They are already consumed with "girl drama," been called "sexy," told what the middle finger means, yell at each other, at me, want to hurt each other, do not understand forgiveness......etc, etc, etc. I by no means believe it is a schools responsibility to fix all of this in a child. It is mine and Bills ultimately. But we are FAILING. I need my values reinforced in math. I need them to see God in history. To appreciate science as their Heavenly Father does, not hang it on mans shoulders....giving man credit for miracles. I want them to see that prayer isn't just for the ride to school, meal times and bed time. That it is a part of who they are. It is why they were created. So that whatever book they choose in library they know that prayer was involved. That the librarian loves them as a child of God. Not rated on how well they read.
It is so much. I know I could manipulate Bill in this. There are things I could do to make sure we go to Unity next year. But do I do that? I mean, it is for God, right? Or is God speaking to me through Bill? Are we to stay at Dar? To be a beacon of light? WHAT DO WE DO?
For now, Father, please speak through my husband. Please help him understand Your realness, and give him a passion to know you in and out, so that he will make the best decision for our kids. I know you love them more than we do!
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